Living with Manic Depression, Addictions and Hep C
Living with this disease has not been easy. Sometimes it just takes over and I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. I do compulsive things, shopping, drinking, smoking, and even working. I get confused and can't make a decision. I've had this for about 20 years and have gone through so many ups and downs, tragedies, hardships, and relationships. I let it control me. Now I'm trying to control it.
I've started putting things to do on a poster board for each day and I write what I'm suppose to do. This has been helping. I've gotten busy with my handmade jewelry, photography and even added an EBay Shop. Yes, I get confused with this to. But I have to sit down and carefully write up the plans. I catch myself in making mistakes, which are stupid. I have a little ADD also, so it's a fight that I have to do consistent. I work harder at everything I do.
This, what I'm doing is the most important thing I have ever done. Putting myself out there instead of hiding. I'm still a loner, but I'm trying to over come that. What's funny is that I look and act like I'm happy all the time, but down deep I hurt. Everyday is a struggle whether to get up and work, what to eat, dieting, or should I drink, should I smoke. These are hard things for me.
I also have Hepatitis C that I discovered when I was 32, now 56. I was in denial for a while. Who wants to believe that? I had 3 blood transfusions when I was 31 and almost died. But now I may die from those blood transfusions.
I've tried two different sessions of taking the injection medicine. Both times no results. So I wonder everyday if it is going to go full-blown. How long do I have to live? Will I see my grandbaby grow?
These are struggles I go through everyday, yet I'm surviving.
I'll be writing in my blog at jewellsdreams.blogspot.com if your interested.
I've started putting things to do on a poster board for each day and I write what I'm suppose to do. This has been helping. I've gotten busy with my handmade jewelry, photography and even added an EBay Shop. Yes, I get confused with this to. But I have to sit down and carefully write up the plans. I catch myself in making mistakes, which are stupid. I have a little ADD also, so it's a fight that I have to do consistent. I work harder at everything I do.
This, what I'm doing is the most important thing I have ever done. Putting myself out there instead of hiding. I'm still a loner, but I'm trying to over come that. What's funny is that I look and act like I'm happy all the time, but down deep I hurt. Everyday is a struggle whether to get up and work, what to eat, dieting, or should I drink, should I smoke. These are hard things for me.
I also have Hepatitis C that I discovered when I was 32, now 56. I was in denial for a while. Who wants to believe that? I had 3 blood transfusions when I was 31 and almost died. But now I may die from those blood transfusions.
I've tried two different sessions of taking the injection medicine. Both times no results. So I wonder everyday if it is going to go full-blown. How long do I have to live? Will I see my grandbaby grow?
These are struggles I go through everyday, yet I'm surviving.
I'll be writing in my blog at jewellsdreams.blogspot.com if your interested.
Tags: add, addictions, blogging, c, depression, hepatitis, jewellsdreams, manic, personal, private
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Ruth Hill Radcliffe on
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jewels, I relate so much to your post. I too have been living with manic depression for about 15 years, although I probably suffered from it much longer. Add OCD to that and life gets pretty hectic at times. I talk about it because people put so many unformed prejudices against mental illnesses when they are much like physical ailments like diabetes and your own hepatitis C. I feel for you there and hope that there will be some easing of your struggle. thanks for your post. ruth
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Permalink Reply by mansha on -
"Life gives u situations and not solutions", This was that thought that was in my mind the entire day ... REad it in the morning paper....and after read ur post i can just say this u can b a winner in any situation just think positive make it a habit ...it helps !! take care
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Thank you for your wonderful reply. I have no doubt that with each step you will become more and more confident. I know it is easier to give advice than take it yourself. At the moment I am facing a lot of self doubt....most of it relating to my skills as an artist. that sounds so weird after I have been doing this for 30 years...but when doubt creeps in it takes time to work through it. I am on a new med for the OCD and I can relate to the panic in the middle of the night. What is so wonderful about sites like this is that you find kindred spirits who will cheer you on through think and thin.
The photos are self portraits, but I will admit they were fun to do to on a program I have on my mac. And it is fun at night to revel in just being alone. Enjoy your grandchildren and know that you are special, ruth
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Permalink Reply by Jill on
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Hi
I also have Bipolar and the last 30 years have been a rollercoaster! Since 2003 I've been Ok with some meds that actually work and help from supportive relationships.
Six months ago we opened Creative Cafe which is a small charitable group run by volunteers with disabilities who say
"Don't Let Disability Mean Inequality" for everything Creative in life.
You are welcome to join us as members and display your art and handmade crafts as well as music, videos, write blogs, start and join in groups and discussions and make new friends. Membership is open to everyone and we don't especially concentrate on disability issues. They just come up from time to time and we are a friendly and supportive group whatever subjects come up.
We also have our linked Creative Cafe Salesrooms where you can buy and sell art and handmade crafts. Listings are free.
Anyway like I say you are welcome to join us .
Hope you have a good weekend
Bye for Now
Jill
Volunteer Organiser
Creative Cafe
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Permalink Reply by Jewells on -
Thank you so much. It's nice to talk to someone who understands bipolar. Did you believe you had it once the doctors told you? I'm just now accepting it. I don't know if I'm on the right medicine, because I still get manic, but I don't have insurance so it's hard to go get treated. I try and do it on my own. Everything is harder for me and I have to work 2x as much to get it. Yes, I would love to join your cafe. That is really nice.
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Hi
I am in the UK so don't need to worry about health insurance as the NHS and health services are free. When I was first diagnosed at 22 I was given electric shock treatment that stopped me from reading and gruesome medications that made me feel terrible. I threw away the meds and carried on for 14 years thinking I was OK but looking back a lot of the time I was still manic! Then when I was 36 a bad episode ended me in hospital again but I still found the meds really horrible. To cut a long story short it is only since 2003 I've had meds that suit me and don't give me bad side effects. I think it is worth you trying to find some that do suit you because they can make life a lot easier. I am not sure what you can do without the health insurance though as I say I am in the UK.
Yes you are welcome to join us on Creative Cafe anytime. I hope you will find a way of managing your manic depression so it doesn't disrupt your life too badly.
Bye for Now
Jill
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Permalink Reply by Kati on -
I have OCD and am a recovering bulimic. I also suffer from chronic depression, although I am at a good place in my life right now and doing much better.
The thing that affects me most right now is my anxiety. Always feeling like there's too much and I can't take it and I can't do the things I need to do. I just have to take it one step at a time, but things tend to build up and when I really need to deal I just can't.
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Permalink Reply by Jewells on
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Thank you for sharing. Congratulations on conquering the Bulimic, I know it had to be hard. Yes depression is hard. Having bipolar gets me all messed up - I either talk too much and my hands go everywhere. I get so confused. Take things one day at a time is the only way we can work it plus praying. Hope to talk to you again.
Jewell
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